Top 10 Films of 2014

While 2014 was a pretty crap year overall, but you can't say the same thing for the year's slate of movies. For what was expected to be a pretty fallow 12 months at the cinema, many critics were pleasantly surprised. There was some interesting experimentation, a few unexpected revivals, and more than a couple out-of-nowhere masterpieces. So without further ado, I present the obligatory end of year list...

The Top 10 Films of 2014

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies: A Review

From the beginning Director Peter Jackson's film adaptations of The Hobbit have been something of a failed experiment. An attempt to both stretch J.R.R. Tolkien's sparse original novel of Middle-Earth over three films and present it with the same majestic scope of his Lord of the Rings adaptations from a decade ago, people ranging from Tolkien purists to average movie-goers have questioned his approach and execution of the material. But the caveat hanging over the whole series has been that however good or bad the individual films have been, no one would be able to have a complete opinion on The Hobbit series until all three had been released. So now with the release of the last film, The Battle of the Five Armies, will the series come together at the finale or be the bloated mess everyone assumed it would be?

To catch you up on the story so far, well to do hobbit Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) has been somewhat reluctantly shanghaied into an adventure by the wizard Gandalf (Ian Mckellen) and a company of dwarves led by Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) to reclaim the dwarves' ancestral home from the dragon Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch). Having ousted the dragon at the end of the previous film, the dwarves now have to deal with the various parties they've aggrieved along their journey. From the men whose town they accidentally loosed the dragon on to the elves whose dungeon they escaped to the orcs who've been chasing them over the three films, all of them show up outside the dwarves' front door looking for some payback. Bilbo is caught in the middle of them and may have the only way to avert an all-out war, if he can move fast enough. Meanwhile, Gandalf has been having his own problems. He's been captured by a mysterious sorcerer and has no way of warning his friends of the orc army coming to take the dwarves' home.

Birdman: A Review

One of the things I find most fascinating about Superheroes is their versatility as a metaphor. Much like Knights or Cowboys before them, Superheroes can be slotted in to represent any number of different themes or ideas. Slap a big letter on some spandex and it could mean anything from condemnation of the military-industrial complex to a proxy of a classic religious figure. It's that usefulness as a symbol that allows the Superhero archetype to fit into the world of Mexican director Alejandro Inarritu's new dark comedy Birdman.

The film stars Michael Keaton as Riggan Thomson, a washed-up actor who starred in a series of blockbuster superhero movies back in the 90s as the eponymous Birdman. In the present he's sunk all of his money into directing and starring in a serious, high-minded Broadway drama, his last attempt at some kind of artistic credibility and relevance after the Birdman films ruined his reputation. Riggan's play is slowly collapsing around him though; with his cast being taken over by an overbearing method actor (Edward Norton), his lawyer best friend (Zach Galifianakis) second guessing all his decisions, and the critics' unwillingness to let go of his history as Birdman. All of this pressure is beginning to get to Riggan as he starts having delusions, imagining he has telekinesis and that his former superhero character is speaking to him, and the question becomes not whether he'll actually get his play off the ground, but whether he'll do it before he goes completely crazy.

Trailer Park: Star Wars Episode 7

Oh yes...

Big Hero 6: Superheroics as Therapy and the Role of the Sidekick

When it was announced that Disney's next animated feature would be a sci-fi superhero adventure, adapted from an obscure comic of new subsidiary Marvel, some tilted their heads. Could the Mouse House pull off something on the opposite end of kiddie obsession spectrum from their usual Princess output? Well I'm happy to report yes, they can pull it off. Big Hero 6 is a rollicking adventure, with all the high-action thrills we expect from superheroes and all the heart the studio is known for. But while some are, rightly, praising the film for the diversity of its cast or its unabashed love of science & technology, my mind has turned to how Big Hero 6 plays with genre conventions and shows the importance of an oft-neglected archetype.

Over the Garden Wall: A Review

Cartoon Network is experiencing something of a renaissance lately. After a string of awful ventures made the cable channel look nearly dead not too long ago, they bounced back with startlingly original programming like Adventure Time, Regular Show, and Steven Universe which earned both commercial success and critical acclaim. This Cartoon Network, one more open to experimentation, seems a more conducive environment for the channel to premiere its first miniseries, a whimsical 10-part adventure called Over the Garden Wall.

Our story follows two brothers, older neurotic Wirt (Elijah Wood) and younger cheerful Greg, who have found themselves lost in a strange forest called The Unknown. The woods are dark and deep, and the two have no idea what direction will lead home, but thankfully they rescue a talking bluebird named Beatrice who agrees to take the brothers to someone that could help in exchange for saving her life. The journey will be a long one though, with many weird and wonderful encounters along the way, and the mysterious Beast who leads lost souls astray could be following Wirt & Greg at any moment. Will the two find their way home, or will the Beast finally catch up with them?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Shadow of the Vampire

We've looked at a lot of different Horror films this month. We've looked at old stuff, new stuff, weird stuff. We've seen movies about Satanists, Demons, and even Zombie Chickens. So where better to end the month then with a Horror Movie about a Horror Movie? In particular, this 2000 film about our old friend F.W. Murnau and the making of his immortal classic Nosferatu.

The year is 1921. German filmmaker F.W. Murnau has begun production on his next masterpiece, an unlicensed adaptation of Dracula. Everything seems to be in order except for their vampire, the mysterious Max Schreck. Nobody one else has met Schreck and he won't even be on set until they arrive in Czechoslovakia for location shooting. Murnau has assured his crew that Schreck is simply a dedicated method actor, who's subsumed himself into the role of a vampire. But when the production arrives and members of the crew start turning up dead, they have to ask. Could their bizarre lead possibly be an actual vampire?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Beyond the Black Rainbow

Science Fiction and Horror have always made good bedfellows. With Science Fiction's focus on speculation of possibilities, it pairs very nicely with Horror's need to prey on our fears. After all, fear is predicated on the unknown and what's more unknown then the future? Combined with humanity's natural aversion to change, science and technology provide fertile material to terrify audiences. Such is the idea behind the 2010 Canadian film Beyond the Black Rainbow.

Elena has lived all her life in the Arboria Institute, trapped as a test subject for her psychic powers. Kept nearly catatonic most of the time, the only human interaction she knows are the daily interrogations by her therapist Dr. Barry Nyle. But when a computer error provides an opportunity for escape, Elena seizes it and the chance at life outside the Institute. But to get there she'll have to make it through the byzantine labyrinth, full of hallucinatory visions and bizarre patients that threaten to stop her at every turn. Which is nothing compared to Dr. Nyle, who has been self-medicating and devolved into a psychotic madman. His drug-addled mind draws him inexorably toward Elena, and he'll stop at nothing to catch her.

Meet Marvel's new guys

In the unlikely event you haven't heard, Marvel Studios announced their post-Age of Ultron lineup all the way to 2019. Phase Three looks to be pretty exciting, with what will likely be (for now at least) the last hurrahs for many of the original Avengers. But that also means that Marvel is digging further into their back catalogue for more obscure characters to build new series around. And while mainstream audiences may have had some idea who Iron Man or Captain America were, these new guys are almost complete unknowns. So let's go through Marvel's release slate film by film and see if my vast knowledge of Marvel arcana can't enlighten you as to what to expect.

31 (or so ) Day of Terror: The Serpent and The Rainbow

I hate zombies. I don't mean I'm afraid of zombies, I'm not. I hate zombies. They are the most played out, overexposed, and non-menacing creatures since vampires. I hate all the dumb cliches zombie movies have propagated. I hate how they all just rip off George Romero & Resident Evil. I hate how popular zombie shit has become. And I really fucking hate all the idiotic zombie apocalypse theorizing that's resulted from this stupid craze as though it could ever fucking happen. I. Hate. Zombies.

Which is exactly what drew me to The Serpent and The Rainbow. I was attracted to the notion of a zombie movie that ignored all the super-virus and ravenous horde bullshit and tried to bring them back to their Haitian Voodoo roots. Maybe because that kind of story with that kind of zombie hadn't been used in so long, it would feel fresh and new again. And Wes Craven's 1988 film succeeds on that front, revealing itself as a flawed but fascinating work of religious horror.

The story follows Bill Pullman as Dennis Alan, an anthropologist sent to Haiti by a large pharmaceutical company. He's been sent to investigate reports of a zombie powder, a drug that supposedly can kill a person and then revive them from the dead, and see if he can't bring a sample back to the States. But almost as soon as he lands in Haiti, his search involves him in local Voodoo rituals and the power struggles between powerful Voodoo priests. Not helping matters are the visions he's been suffering lately, horrible nightmares of being buried alive and revived as a zombie slave. Will Alan be able to escape before his search costs him his life? Or worse, his soul?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Machete Maidens Unleashed!

Today's review is something of an experiment. Instead of this month's usual fare of high to lowbrow horror, I'm looking at a documentary on the subject. Specifically Machete Maidens Unleashed!, a look at the b-movie scene in the Philippines from the 50s through the 70s. Following WW2, The Philippines was one of the few countries whose film production capability was still in functioning order. And the cost of making movies over there was so low that soon the low-budget independent schlock studios from America flooded in, recruiting local talent to churn out hundreds of b-movies to fill drive-ins back in the States. This film is a chronicle of that over-looked time and place in the history of American cinema.

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Poultrygeist

While it could be argued that Horror films are more effective without it, Gore is inseparable from the genre at this point. Limbs ripped off, guts spilled out, blood gushing from orifices; in the tradition of the Grand Guignol people can't get enough. Gore adds a dimension of visceral violence that makes horrible elements all the more horrifying. Or the gore can be taken to such a degree that it becomes comical as in today's feature from the mavericks at Troma, 2006's Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

Arbie and Wendy are high-school sweethearts who've made the local Indian Burial Ground their favorite spot. But a year after graduation, Arbie returns to find that the burial ground has been razed to build a new American Chicken Bunker franchise and Wendy, who left for college without Arbie, is outside protesting. And she's become a lesbian! To spite her, Arbie takes a job at the new fast food joint only for strange things to start happening. Mysterious deaths, weird mutations, and talking sandwiches. It turns out that the ghosts of the desecrated Indians have joined forces with the ghosts of the dead chickens to wreak horrible revenge on all American Chicken Bunkers. Will our heroes be able to survive the chicken zombie apocalypse?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: The Ninth Gate

Satanists have been go to villains for Horror since at least the turn of the century. Even as society has become less religious, these weirdos in black robes have continued to haunt our imaginations. Cults are frightening to begin with, given how they're full of fanatics, but combine that with knowingly worship Western Culture's de facto Evil and a clientele of the rich and powerful makes for a potent mix of unsettling things. As such, all manner of devil worshippers have graced the silver screen over the years. And director Roman Polanski is no stranger to Satanists having made the 1968 classic Rosemary's Baby and today's subject, the 1999 thriller The Ninth Gate.

Johnny Depp stars as Dean Corso, an unscrupulous dealer of rare antique books. Corso is hired to authenticate a copy of "The Nine Gates of the Shadow Kingdom", a book supposedly written by Satan himself, by comparing it to the only two other known copies. His investigation does not go smoothly though, as the owners of those other copies start turning up dead and a mysterious blonde college student starts following him. As Corso digs deeper into the book's Satanic secrets, the feeling that he's in over his head just gets stronger and stronger. How far will he go before he winds up dead too?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Faust

Horror has been with film almost since the beginning and many of those early Silents are rightly considered classics to this day. Many of these were the work of German directors who pioneered a dreamlike, expressionist aesthetic. They were the precursors of the Universal and Hammer movies that would define the genre in the decades to follow. And for a perfect example, look no further than Nosferatu director F.W. Murnau's 1926 adaptation of the legend of Faust.

The story should be familiar. During the Renaissance, Germany is swept by the plague. The old doctor Faust, the only doctor for miles, is desperate to help the people dying but his efforts are for naught. With no other options, he summons the demon Mephistopheles who agrees to give Faust all his demonic powers in exchange for his soul. Faust agrees but soon having this nearly limitless power warps his priorities. He begins using the power selfishly, restoring his youth and trying to seduce a beautiful girl. How far will Faust go before his soul is beyond redemption?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Wishmaster

I'm a big proponent of the media using lesser known ghouls and goblins in their works. The usual Vampires, Zombies, and Skeletons get boring after a while so it's nice to shake things up. That was the entire point of these two articles. So imagine my joy when I discovered that not only was there a horror movie about an evil genie, but that it was also an incredibly fun watch. Dear readers, let me introduce you to Wishmaster...

Raymond Beaumont (Robert Englund), an eccentric rich guy, has just purchased an incredibly rare ruby from Persia that unbeknownst to him contains an evil genie. The ruby is lost in transit and through a series of misfortunes arrives in the hands of Alexandra Amberson, a gem appraiser. Alexandra accidentally releases the genie (or djinn as the film calls it) who after 900 years of confinement must grant people wishes to regain its strength. But Alexandra has become linked to the djinn and the monster has been turning her friends and family's wishes against them in true Monkey's paw fashion. Eventually the djinn closes in on Alexandra and must grant her three wishes before it can unlock its full power and release the gates of Hell. Will Alexandra be able to outthink this ancient monster or will we all die at the hands of the Wishmaster?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: The Frighteners

There's a thin line between Horror and Comedy. After all, take away the atmosphere and turn on the lights and the situations in most horror movies come across as pretty ridiculous. Out of context and done poorly, Bela Lugosi's Dracula becomes a hilarious figure. That's partly the reason Horror fans have always embraced Comedies that poke fun at their favorite genre's tropes and cliches. One of those fans is Peter Jackson, yes Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson, who made his 1996 dark comedy The Frighteners in that very spirit.

The film stars Michael J Fox as Frank Bannister, a shady psychic who cons people out of money by performing fake exorcisms. There's a twist though, Frank actually can see ghosts and has been using his personal troupe of spooks to drum up business for himself. But when a mysterious cloaked figure begins offing people, Frank becomes the prime suspect. How will Frank clear his name when he's the only one who can see the true criminal?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: The Keep

You know who pretty much nobody would feel bad about seeing die? Nazis. Everybody hates Nazis. So having your protagonists be Nazis is something of an uphill battle because it's hard to sympathize with evil bastards. But under that logic, a horror movie with Nazis makes a certain amount of sense. Nobody cares if the characters in a horror movie get killed, it's what they're there for, and nobody cares if Nazis get killed. 2+2=4. And while seeing Nazis murdered by a monster is certainly an element of Michael Mann's 1983 film The Keep, it's a more thoughtful and thematically rich feature than that grindhouse premise would make it seem.

Here's the setup; during the dying days of WW2, a platoon of German soldiers are sent to a remote Romanian village to fortify an ancient mountain fortress, the titular keep, against the oncoming Russians. The keep has legends surrounding it though and appears built to contain something, not keep people out. It's not too long before the Germans awake the evil sleeping within the keep and their soldiers begin dying. This gets the SS involved, who force elderly Jewish scholar Dr. Cuza (Ian Mckellen) to help them fight the demon of the keep. But Cuza may have other ideas, working to help the demon escape the keep so it can destroy the Nazis once and for all. And what is the story of the mysterious man making his way to the keep, who seems to know all its secrets?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Don't Look Now

Sorry, I've missed a few days in this month of frights. But hey, that's why I called it 31 or so Days. I expected to miss a couple. And speaking of disappointments today's feature is certainly one. British director Nicolas Roeg has a reputation for visual inventiveness and metaphoric narratives. To most people my age his best known work would probably be his 1990 adaptation of Roald Dahl's The Witches just to give you a frame of reference. That was a far more straightforward horror piece than the film I'll be talking about today, Roeg's 1973 psychological thriller Don't Look Now.

It almost feels like I'm cheating by including this film because it lacks many horror characteristics and, at least in my opinion, isn't very scary. For what's it worth, the story concerns an upper-class couple played by Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie. After their daughter accidentally drowns at their English home, Sutherland moves them to Venice where he's restoring a church. Christie meets a blind medium who claims their daughter's spirit is trying to contact them from the other side. She immediately accepts this for the small closure it gives her, but Sutherland refuses to believe any of it. His daughter is dead and buried. But as a series of murders are being committed around Venice, he begins to see a mysterious figure in a red coat at the crime scenes. The same red coat his daughter used to wear...

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Bram Stoker's Dracula

It wouldn't be Halloween without at least one appearance by the Lord of the Vampires. Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 adaptation of Bram Stoker's classic novel has something of a mixed reputation which is appropriate given how schizophrenic it is. While in some respects it is the most faithful translation of the novel ever put to screen, the film does make some additions to the story which change the themes Stoker intended drastically. Purists were sent into a tizzy by it, but those changes aren't without merit and the end result is almost a deconstruction of Stoker's work.

A quick reminder on the basic story. Johnathan Harker, a real estate agent from London, journeys to Translyvania at the behest of the mysterious Count Dracula. The Count is interested in buying some property in London, but this is simply a ruse to lure the young Harker to his castle. Trapping the poor shmuck there, Dracula goes to England so he can stalk Harker's fiancee Mina and her friend Lucy. But as the attacks increase and vampire expert Van Helsing is called in, Mina finds herself inextricably drawn to the suave Romanian count. Could she be falling in love with the monster?

31 (or so) Days of Terror: Gothic

In honor of Halloween, The Serial Wordsmith presents 31 (or so) reviews of strange and offbeat Horror Films

Yes dear readers, the season of fear is upon us once more! The leaves are changing color, the air is getting colder, and the boundary between worlds grows ever thinner. And, as is the wont of my profession, we turn our attention to all things cinematically terrifying. So where better to begin a month-long look at strange and offbeat horror than with that classic of the canon, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. In particular, Director Ken Russell's 1986 film dramatization of the dark and stormy summer that inspired the young Ms. Godwin's famous novel.

The setup of the plot should be familiar to any student of Horror Literature. In the summer of 1816, the English poet Percy Shelley along with his fiance Mary Godwin and her cousin Claire Clairmont go to visit his friend Lord Byron, who's been exiled with his doctor Polidori to Switzerland. Trapped inside by inclement weather, the five amuse themselves by reading ghost stories and drinking. Eventually they challenge one other to create original scary tales and the libertine Byron suggests they conjure an actual ghost for extra inspiration. As the storm rages outside, the five Romantics begin to feel their villa haunted by something as they're plagued by visions and nightmares. But has a monster from beyond the grave actually been raised or have they just imbibed too much drink?

Why Attack on Titan appeals to Millennials

Attack on Titan is one of the biggest anime hits in recent memory. Popular on both sides of the Pacific even before it was dubbed into English, it garnered praise for its graphic animation, hairpin-turn plotting, and palpable atmosphere. But despite the hearty recommendations from otaku circles, I avoided Attack on Titan. This was partly because of my inherent skepticism of something so universally praised, thinking there was no way it could live up to the hype, but also because I found the premise ridiculous.

Set in a fantasy world resembling medieval Germany, Humanity is almost extinct after being devoured by a race of mindless giants called Titans. 100 years before the series begins what's left of the human species has retreated behind three massive walls to protect themselves. It's here we meet our protagonists; young Eren Jaeger, his adopted sister Mikasa, and their friend Armin. The three yearn for something more than their repetitive lives behind the wall, with Eren in particular wanting to join the Scouts who explore beyond the protective barrier and see the outside world. But their childhoods are abruptly ended when a colossal skinless Titan, taller than any previous Titan, suddenly appears and blows a hole in their town's wall. A horde of smaller Titans floods in and Eren's mother is eaten, setting him on a path of vengeance. He and his friends barely escape the slaughter and decide to join the Army to fight back against the Titan threat. But despite their gusto, there is more to the Titans' sudden reappearance than they know...

What turned me off about Titan was its reputation of grimness. It was compared to Game of Thrones when it came to character deaths, giving them interesting backstories and personalities only to murder them in the most gruesome ways. The gore of the Titan attacks was heavily emphasized by viewers. Not helping matters was the Titans' apparent invincibility. With anime's usual answer to giant monsters, giant robots, off the table due to the setting, the puny human protagonists seemed completely outmatched by the Titans' speed, regenerative ability, and hard to reach weak spot. They seemed so undefeatable it was almost laughable. When I tried to brainstorm Anti-Titan strategies with my roommate, the anime checked me at every turn. This created in my mind the idea that Attack on Titan was nothing more than an exercise in masturbatory depression, a slasher movie blown up to apocalyptic scale where characters existed for no reason other to have their lives and dreams ended in the meat grinder of a Titan attack. An excuse to wallow in adolescent grimness and "oh so serious" violence.

So when Toonami started airing the English dub, I began watching mostly out of spite. Eventually I did start to dig on the characters and story, but the hype felt out of place. The anime was good but it was still flawed, mostly pacing problems and an over-reliance on dialogue, so what was it about Attack on Titan that made it so popular? Then while watching the news, it finally clicked.

Evangeline Lilly, The Winsome Wasp and Women in Refrigerators

After a great many setbacks Marvel's first post-Age of Ultron project, Ant-Man, has begun filming. This is certainly good news for the troubled production which at one point looked dead following original director Edgar Wright leaving the project. But as the official stills and set photos trickle out a newly released behind the scenes picture has brought one of the biggest questions about Ant-Man back to the forefront and even raised the specter of superhero comics' most embarrassing cliches.

Above is a picture of actress Evangeline Lilly, who had been cast in the film earlier this year, released on her official Instagram to debut her new haircut for her mysterious role. No big deal, right? No, because this is a Marvel movie and even a haircut can be a clue for hardcore Marvel Zombies to speculate on. But this haircut could actually be something significant because it looks very much like the classic 'do of Ant-Man's longtime partner and wife, The Wasp.

So who was that guy at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy?

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

And here we are once again. Though this will be more Marvel reference housekeeping than speculation because this newest stinger didn't really tease anything new. But it did deliver one hell of a bizarre, unexpected appearance that will confuse the heck out of all but the most hardcore Marvel zombies.

Make no mistake, this stinger is effectively Marvel crossing the Rubicon. You wanted the Marvel universe on screen? Well damn if that doesn't mean all of it. You bought the ticket, here's where the ride's taking you. There's no going back now.

Review of the Jedi: Sacrifice

Join the Serial Wordsmith for a special four-day finale to his recaps and reviews of the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

And as Yoda's journey comes to a close, so does on our own. This is the last new Clone Wars episode and so this is my last Review of the Jedi. I may bring the series back for Rebels and Episode VII, but for now this is the end. Before we get to the episode I just want to thank everyone who's read these reviews and I hope I didn't waste your time. Now then...

When we left Yoda he had embarked on a journey to learn how to preserve his consciousness after death. This brought him to a strange planet where five Force Priestesses initiated the diminutive Jedi Master through a series of trials. He overcame them but one trial still remained, on the Sith homeworld of Moraband. And before you pedantic nerds gang up on me, yeah I know it was originally called Korriban. But it's not like they changed anything else about the place so what's the big deal? Anyway, this episode begins with Yoda arriving on the planet and making his way into an ancient Sith tomb.

Here he encounters the spirits of dead Sith who try to lead him astray, which is important to the overall spiritual journey narrative this arc has been following.

Review of the Jedi: Destiny

Join the Serial Wordsmith for a special four-day finale to his recaps and reviews of the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Yoda's spiritual journey continues as we enter the second phase. The diminutive Jedi Master has followed Qui-Gon's trail to a mysterious planet in a nebula brimming with Force energy. And deep within the hollow planet he encounters strange Force priestesses who will lead him through his training.  Grave trials await him and it will require facing some long buried feelings.

As I predicted yesterday, this arc is following the traditional path students of the mystic persuasion take. After accepting the path, the student must face trials that are just as much about overcoming the limitations within them as overcoming whatever the physical trial is. You can see this in hundreds of Kung Fu movies or for a more apt comparison Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recall how near the end of that show's second season, Aang had to undergo spiritual training to let go of his material attachments and unlock his full Avatar powers. That's essentially what's happening in this episode but with Yoda learning the Force Ghost ability. And it's the decision to make Yoda the initiate that sets this episode and arc apart from those similar stories. And it all goes back to that Jedi dogmatism I brought up last time.

Review of the Jedi: Voices

Join the Serial Wordsmith for a special four-day finale to his recaps and reviews of the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Ah, so that's how they're going to keep this going.

After the mystery of Sifo-Dyas was mostly wrapped up last episode, I was curious on what the next three episodes would focus on. The answer is unexpected but clever in its own way. The focus has shrunk from the galaxy-wide conspiracy to a more personal story with a single main character. That's odd for this show which has always relied on the strength of its ensemble cast but the choice of that single character is strange as well. Yoda.

Not to say that Yoda is a bad character, far from it, but his function in the Star Wars story is why he's a weird choice for a lead. Ever since his first appearance in Empire Strikes Back, Yoda has been the wise mentor. He's the old smart guy who's there to give the younger, dumber protagonist advice and then dies to inspire said protagonist. And the reason characters like that usually don't get the spotlight is because, by virtue of their being old and wise, their character arc is assumed to be complete. The only thing they have left to do is pass on their wisdom and die. You can see this with other characters that fit this archetype; Dumbledore, Gandalf, Mr. Miyagi though he didn't die. But the way the writers get around this, and what gives these next few episodes their hook, is by giving Yoda a problem his wisdom can't solve. They present him with something he doesn't understand.

Review of the Jedi: The Lost One

Join the Serial Wordsmith for a special four-day finale to his recaps and reviews of the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Yes those of you that read the header, with only four episodes left I've decided to ditch the weekly format. For the next four days there will be a new Review of the Jedi each day as we spiral down to the series finale. And we begin with the arc I've been most excited for, the Search for Sifo-Dyas.

Now granted part of that excitement comes from the fact that I'm a huge nerd, nerds like when loose threads of continuity are explained, and Master Sifo-Dyas is nothing if not a loose thread of continuity. To refresh your memory, while tracking down Jango Fett during Attack of the Clones Obi-Wan found himself on Planet Kamino. Strangely enough, the Kaminoans were expecting him. They had grown an entire clone army for the Republic supposedly under the orders of a Jedi Master named Sifo-Dyas. Obi-Wan informs them that Sifo-Dyas has been dead for some time and that no one in the Republic has authorized this army but the Kaminoans seem unconcerned. They direct him to Jango Fett, the template for the clones, who's never heard of Sifo-Dyas. He was hired by a man called Tyrannus. Before we could learn more the rest of the movie happened and war had broken out. The Jedi had bigger priorities.

To make a long story short, Sifo-Dyas is the great unresolved mystery of the Prequel Era. The circumstances of his death and how the clone army was arranged are key to how Palpatine destroyed the Republic. Basing a story around exploring that would make any Star Wars fan excited, but beyond that using it as the series finale for The Clone Wars is a thematic slam dunk. There's been a dark cloud having over this series from the beginning because we all know where it leads. Revenge of the Sith and the creation of the Empire, all of the characters we've grown to love either dead or turned evil. Kind of a bummer. So ending the series by focusing on what caused all that darkness makes sense, like we've come full circle, and it also fits with how downbeat and morally murky the show itself has become. Finishing the story on the Sith homeworld isn't just engaging, it feels like a natural stopping point. But we have a while until we get there and a lot of shit to pull into the light in the meantime. Without further ado...

Is he a Good Man? Doctor Who returns

Our long Doctor-less fallow period is about to end. Since Matt Smith retired the role back in December, The BBC has been tight-lipped about what's in store for Peter Capaldi's initial season as the Twelfth Doctor. Steven Moffat and the other big brass have hinted at a darker, more mature Doctor with a focus  on pure sci-fi stories as opposed to Smith's more whimsical fairytale tone. And if true, the first official trailer for the new season seems to bear it out.



It certainly does seem darker with voiceover by a Dalek of all things. And the emphasis on explosions, shadows, and rapid cuts of action seem to indicate a more violent show, if not a more violent Doctor, than we've seen since the '05 revival. The effects also looked to have stepped up as well, the few new aliens featured here being more naturalistic and harder sci-fi than those of the Smith era. That brief shot of a T-Rex in particular is probably the most accurate depiction of the dinosaur I've seen since Jurassic Park, perhaps indicating that the rumors of moving to a less fantastical sensibility are true. Of course, this is still Doctor Who so the humor and fun we expect will still be there.

Review of the Jedi: The Disappeared Part Two

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

It's gonna be a short one this week. Because while I enjoyed The Disappeared two-parter, there's really not much for me to say.

In a rarity for this series, our second chapter picks up right where we left off. The evil Frangawl Cult has abducted the Queen of Bardotta, Jar Jar's ex-girlfriend, and taken her and a ball of Force energy to an unknown planet. Hot on the trail is Jar Jar and Mace Windu, who've formed a weirdly effective team. Will they be able to rescue the Queen before the Frangawl can pull off their nefarious scheme? And who is this mysterious "Great Mother" who leads them?

This pair of episodes greatest strength continues to be the team-up of Mace and Jar Jar. As I said last time, it's an unlikely pair but it works surprisingly well. What makes it work is that despite both irritating the other (yes, Mace irritates Jar Jar) they put it aside for the sake of the mission and eventually bring out the best in each other. For example, Jar Jar's cowardice annoys Mace but unlike other Jedi who just tell him to shut up and stay out of the way Mace tries to help Jar Jar find his inner courage and bring out the skills within him. And Jar Jar is laser-focused on saving the Queen, so Mace and his meditative, methodical Jedi approach gets on his nerves because he sees it as slow and wasting time. But Jar Jar knows he has to rely on Mace and shows an idealism that Mace as a Jedi finds motivating. It's kind of like when the gruff, old detective is partnered with the naive, young rookie in a cop movie.

Review of the Jedi: The Disappeared Pt.1

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

That's actually this episode in a nutshell really.

One of the bigger successes of The Clone Wars was the rehabilitation of Jar Jar Binks, turning him from annoying sidekick to comic hero. All the basic parts were still there, but used differently. So the basic pitch of this episode, the first half of a two-parter, had potential from the beginning. Teaming up goofy, slapstick Jar Jar with gruff badass Jedi Mace Windu. You can probably imagine some funny scenes just from that basic description. And while that is present, The Disappeared Part One isn't just a wacky romp. It takes some unexpected turns to be one of the better episodes this season.

From the opening narration, we are introduced to a number of different elements that could be good stories. The neutral planet (yes, another one) Bardotta has been having trouble with several of its ruling class disappearing. Desperate for help, the Queen of Bardotta asks the Republic for help but will only talk to one person: Jar Jar Binks. The Jedi are, understandably, confused by this. See Bardotta's rulers are very connected to the Force, but can't control it. Think Buddhist monks. They also have a problem with the Jedi because of the whole Baby-snatching thing. Despite this, Mace feels this situation is too important for Jar Jar to handle alone and volunteers to tag along. And on top of all that, the Queen of Bardotta is an old girlfriend of Jar Jar's!

Dragon Arms

Like any nerd, I love dragons and probably think about them too much. How dragons fly, are they intelligent or not, do they only breath fire? I have very strong opinions about all these things, but one thing about dragons pisses me off more than anything rationally should. My biggest pet peeve is how no one can get dragon anatomy right anymore.

If you've seen a dragon in a movie or on TV in the last decade or so, then it's likely that its front limbs were also its wings. THIS. IS. WRONG. Dragons are not bats, their wings are not their forelimbs. Dragons have forelegs and wings on their backs. Like this:

But where did this horrid practice of improper dragonry begin? Like many things, we can blame Harry Potter...

Review of the Jedi: Crisis at the Heart

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I think I figured out what the problem with this arc of episodes is. It's that neither of the story's halves, the banking conspiracy stuff and the Padme/Clovis stuff, have enough material to stand alone so they were put together. And that narrative surgery doesn't really work. The guy who betrayed Padme is on this planet because the story needs him to. Dooku is manipulating the banks through him because the story says so. It doesn't feel natural for these things to be happening this way. The only thing that does feel natural is the wedge Clovis drives in Padme and Anakin's relationship and that's the thread that goes unresolved.

The Banking stuff is where this episode really suffers, for the basic fact that it isn't very interesting. Now I'm not saying that bringing wider political ideas like economics into Star Wars is necessarily unworkable, but remember at heart this is a kid's show. Kids can't get invested in the interest rates of war loans. Hell, I'm in my 20s and I can't really get invested in it. So moving the intrigue around who controls the galaxy's money to the forefront this episode hurt audience engagement, even if that intrigue really boiled down to "Dooku blackmailed Clovis to give Sidious all the money".

Top 10 Characters who could be on Agent Carter

Marvel may be having a bad time lately, but a week ago news was good. After its problematic first season, Agents of SHIELD was renewed for a second season but more exciting was the announcement of an Agent Carter television series. Based on the well-regarded Marvel short film, the series will follow Hayley Atwell as Captain America supporting character Peggy Carter during the founding of SHIELD in the 1940s after WW2. So given the Postwar setting and Spy-thriller focus, here are 10 established Marvel characters who I think could plausibly make an appearance.

Top 10 Characters who could be on Agent Carter

Giant Robot News: Disney is Big in Japan

A side effect of Disney buying all of Marvel? They're able to use Marvel characters and not have them be part of the Marvel Movie-verse. Case in point, the upcoming animated film Big Hero 6.

Announced last August, the film will be based on Marvel's team of Japanese Superheroes. The members of the team are kind of weird and obscure, think Kamen Rider & Cutey Honey for reference, So I'll go over them when the movie gets closer.

For now, Disney has released the first trailer for the film:



That would be Tezuka-esque boy genius Hiro Hamada building his robot hero Baymax. I really like this trailer, how instead of a montage of various scenes from the movie it tells a complete story in itself. The Incredibles did something similar and there's sometimes a better way of conveying what your movie will be than a more standard trailer. And I love how Baymax starts off looking like a Totoro-shaped Asimo but with armor has a chunkier Gigantor/Mazinger aesthetic.

Big Hero 6 opens in November.

Darkness! No Parents!

When Ben Affleck was announced as the new Batman in the still untitled Man of Steel sequel, I was one of the few who was on the more positive side. Affleck is a good actor, but the bigger risk (at least where I stand) was the production design. One of the more common complaints about Man of Steel was how drab the Superman outfit looked, so it's been up in the air what the new Batman would look like. Well, today Zach Snyder himself tweeted the answer:

I like it. Warner Bros. has finally moved past the black body armor look of Burton & Nolan for something a bit closer to the comics. In particular, this is almost a direct translation of the batsuit from Frank Miller's seminal Dark Knight Returns. I'm worried that this means that the antagonism between Batman and Superman from that book will carry over here, but with Justice League announced maybe it'll be good for them to get it out of the way here. Doing away with body armor also means that Affleck is going to have a wider range of movement, so Batman will actually be able to bust out his martial arts skills as opposed to relying more on gadgets as has been the norm in the movies.

My only real complaints are about the batsymbol. Not so much that it's too fat, that's fine, but that it doesn't stand out much from the rest of his chest. That's one thing the yellow oval the symbol used to have helped with, but it's something that can just as easily be fixed by coloring the batsymbol differently. Which is the other thing, this is a black & white photo. So what is the suit's actual color scheme? My guess is that it's the classic black & grey to stay close to DKR and help him contrast with Superman.

As for the Batmobile there? Can't say, not enough it is in this picture for me to comment.

Review of the Jedi: The Rise of Clovis

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Happy Star Wars Day! What better time for a new Clone Wars review?

First, mea culpa. As SFDebris reminded me, Rush Clovis has appeared before and Padme did have good reason not to trust him. He was a spy for the Separatists, in the John Le Carre mold, and was funneling government secrets to them. Seems like he landed on his feet though, after being impeached as a senator he got a job as a bank lobbyist. Hey, he is a politician!

Jokes aside, the writers continue genre experiments this week and have gone about as far from rollicking space adventures as possible. See I would recap the plot, but there actually isn't much of one this episode. It's more an evolution of all the character set-up from last episode, making it feel like a part two that doesn't work as a self-contained story. Those are rare on this show, especially since the move to Netflix. Rise of Clovis is basically divided into halves, and where one of those halves is a continuation of all the political bank stuff the other is almost a straight-up domestic drama.

Review of the Jedi: An Old Friend

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

That's Rush Clovis. I'd probably pull a gun on him too.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, we've got the beginning of a whole new story arc this week. And it's another espionage thriller kind of story. I'm not sure what exactly caused it, but it seems like there was a shift in the writers in The Clone Wars' later seasons. They moved away from more straight-up action war stories to mysteries and almost dramas in a few cases. Not to say there's been a lack of action, just that it's taken a back seat to character interaction and intrigue. I suppose this makes sense in the grand sweep of the Star Wars narrative. As the war drags on and we move closer to the Empire, things get darker and trust gets muddier.

Moving onto brighter things though, our protagonist this time out is Padme. I like this, The Clone Wars' wider scope allowed the writers to tell different kinds of stories but it was still rare for Padme to take a starring role. More often she ended up paired with Anakin or Ahsoka. But this time she takes center stage.

It's a good setup too. Padme has been sent to the neutral planet Scipio, where the Banking Clan is based, to negotiate a loan for the Republic. War costs money after all. While there she runs into Rush Clovis, a man she apparently has a bad history with. Rush tries to convince Padme the Banking Clan is up to no good, they're out of money and taking loans from both the Republic and the Separatists to pay the other side off, and he needs her help to expose them. Padme doesn't really trust Clovis, but he's persuasive enough to get her to agree. Unfortunately his plan ends up with Padme arrested and making things worse is Embo (a bounty hunter from previous seasons) apparently trying to kill her.

Psycho Gothic Lolita: A Review

Like many people, especially film buffs, I have a Netflix list a mile long. Unlike most people, mine is filled with crap. Just weird intriguing stuff that strikes my incredibly bizarre fancy. Case in point, Psycho Gothic Lolita a 2010 Japanese film whose title just hit the sweet spot of insane concepts in the same way as Sharktopus or RoboGeisha. Reading that, I immediately added it and avoided learning anything about it as to go in blind. What follows is the result.

Join me dear reader, as I try to dissect Psycho Gothic Lolita...

So who was that Guy at the End of Winter Soldier?

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

I suppose I should just do one of these for every Marvel movie. So back in November, Thor: The Dark World ended with a crazy mid-credits stinger that required a bit of explanation for non-comics fans. Now with Winter Soldier out, Marvel has hit us with another crazy stinger teasing future events that's making some go, "What the hell was that and what did it mean?"

Admittedly the Winter Soldier stinger is far less bizarre and obscure than Dark World's, but I think there's a few of you out there still confused. So allow me to use my vast store of useless comics knowledge to enlighten you as to what that all meant & what it could mean for the future of the MCU.

Last warning, to do this I'm going be describing a huge twist from the movie so there be spoilers ahead.

Review of the Jedi: Orders

Join the Serial Wordsmith every weekend as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

MINOR CAPTAIN AMERICA 2 SPOILERS BELOW

Well damn, that was actually kind of a bummer.

Last time I was talking about how well this arc was using our foreknowledge and expectations against us, but something didn't hit me until watching this episode. This has been a conspiracy thriller and realizing that, I should have seen this kind of depressing ending coming. Because a conspiracy thriller can only end two ways. One is with the hero triumphant and the conspiracy exposed. The other is with the hero defeated and the conspiracy intact. Guess which one we got?

It's also why I'm bringing up Captain America: The Winter Soldier (and apologies if I spoil anything) because that movie and this episode have the same basic plot. Our protagonist, an honorable, duty-bound soldier, discovers a nefarious conspiracy in the ranks of his own organization and after bringing his concerns to a superior finds himself on the run from said organization. Now undercover, he attempts to uncover the truth and prevent the conspiracy from causing more damage. The difference is that Fives fails, though through no fault of his own.

Review of the Jedi: Fugitive

Join the Serial Wordsmith every Saturday as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Something the Clone Wars writers realized in the later seasons is that the audience knowing the outcome of the war wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Because they trusted that the audience (or at least a large segment of it) had seen Revenge of the Sith, it meant they could use our foreknowledge against us. It's like Alfred Hitchcock used to say, "Show two people eating dinner unawares, then show a bomb planted under the table and you have suspense". That's exactly what they've been doing with Fives in this arc and so far it's been working great.

Especially this episode where in true Hitchcock fashion, Fives ends up under suspicion and has to go undercover. But let me back up. After accidentally killing Tup last time by removing his tumor, Dr. Nala Se has been ordered by Dooku to get rid of all the evidence before Shaak Ti and the Jedi can find out about Order 66. And by evidence he means Fives. So stealing Tup's tumor, Fives has to evade his fellow clones on Kamino while pursuing his own investigation of the tumor.

Noah: A Review

The problem with making movies based on the Bible nowadays is that nobody can take the material seriously. Ever since the Good Book was hijacked by fundamentalist nutjobs, the popular idea of "Bible movie" has been of overly sentimental, moralistic propaganda aiming to convert and condemn secular society. So if you were looking for new interpretations of stories everyone knows, or even just some entertaining spectacle, you avoided remotely connected to the Bible.

That's a position I've agreed with for a long time. As a survivor of Catholic education, the last thing I needed was another story about how awesome God and Jesus were. Especially when the people adapting the stories would leave out all the visually cool stuff like giants, monsters and demons. But with Noah, Darren Aronofsky looks to return Bible movies to the glory days of Cecil B Demille, full of drama and spectacle, and for the most part succeeds. But along the way he gives audiences an involving, beautiful-looking film that doesn't just re-tell a story everyone already knows but goes greater into depth than I've ever seen with scripture.

Review of the Jedi: Conspiracy

Join the Serial Wordsmith every Saturday as he recaps and reviews the last season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

When we last left our intrepid star warriors, a clone trooper under Anakin's command had Order 66 hit him early and he shot a Jedi. Oops! Now Dooku and Palpatine are scrambling to nip it in the bud before their big secret is revealed. They lost their chance last episode but it's a four episode arc, so let's see how they do this time.

The episode opens with Tup, the crazy clone, and Fives' shuttle arriving on Kamino. The doctors take Tup's unconscious body away for examination and OH SHIT, IT'S SHAAK TI! FUCK YEAH! Sorry, it's just she's my favorite background Jedi and she was barely in this series during its TV run. I'm just happy to see her. Anyway, the Kaminoans immediately take Tup away but Fives gets sent off to the examination room too. They tell him it's because his test will help with them find out what's wrong with Tup but really they're putting him in quarantine in case he goes nuts too.

Review of the Jedi: The Unknown

Join the Serial Wordsmith every Saturday as he recaps and reviews the final season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars

And we're finally back! A year after I finished reviewing Season 5 of Clone Wars, Season 6 has come to us through the magic of Netflix. And with a new season, new reviews!

We pick up with our intrepid Jedi and their clone troopers on a huge space station circling a planet. They've been trying to capture it from the Separatists for days now only to be deadlocked. Neither side can gain new ground but can hold what ground they have. Anakin is being aided by twin alien Jedi with weird flowing hair and Irish accents, but during their latest assault one of them is shot dead by Tup, a clone under Anakin's command. Why? Because Tup's been having a mental breakdown and it seems Order 66 triggered ahead of time.

Now this is a clever turn of events. We had assumed that Order 66 was just a secret executive order, something Palpatine could order as Commander-in-Chief without having to go through the Jedi Officers. But it turns out that it was actually a response programmed deep into the clones' subconscious. Which fills a pothole from Revenge of the Sith, why the clones just immediately turned on the Jedi without batting an eye. They couldn't control it.

Review of the Jedi Returns!

With the exciting news that Netflix had picked up the rights to show the remaining episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars after its unceremonious cancellation, it means I'm back to review the new episodes. The trailer promises a lot of the great action we've come to expect but some new narrative ideas as well. Padme trapped behind enemy lines! The origin of the clone army revealed! and Yoda being led on a spiritual journey by Qui-Gon Jinn (with Liam Neeson reprising the role once again).

If you're unfamiliar with Review of the Jedi, take a look through the archive for my reviews of Season 5. Though these new reviews will probably be more analytical like my Big O reviews. And even though all the episodes are on Netflix at once, this will remain a weekly series. With that said, come back later for the first Review of the Jedi for the Lost Missions!

A Bunch of A-holes: Guardians of the Galaxy Trailer

It's apparently the week for Guardians of the Galaxy news and it was heralded by the first trailer. Check it out...



Yeah, that's the stuff. Seriously though, Guardians is going to be Marvel's toughest sell to mainstream audiences yet and this trailer does exactly what it needs to, introduce the characters and tone. Nobody outside of hardcore comics fans knows the Guardians so the line-up format they've got going here works well to tell newbies just who these weirdoes are. And it's amazing how much characterization in the few seconds they're on screen.

The heroes of Star Wars: Rebels are the Artful Dodger and your weed dealer

Chopper.
No, not the reindeer.

There's still no release date for Star Wars: Rebels but Lucas Animation has been steadily releasing information about the show's characters for the last few months. Their first announcement was of the series' main droid Chopper. He looks a bit like an orange R2-D2 model somebody built in their garage and has the acerbic personality to match. But aside from providing comic relief and being a jerk robot in the tradition of Aaron Stack and Marvin the Paranoid Android, Chopper doesn't really tell us much about what the dynamic of the show is going to be.

Thankfully the next two character reveals gave us a better idea of what this is going to be like narratively. So who are our protagonists? A Jedi with a surfer haircut and a 12-year-old con artist.

Okay, I kid. The characters do have some potential and they give some idea of how Rebels is going to work.

I'll elaborate below,

The Astonishing Ant-Men

Marvel Studios just doesn't seem to rest. Not content with having both the second Captain America movie and Guardians of the Galaxy coming out this year, they're already planning for after Avengers 2 next year. The latest news is the casting of the Co-Leads of Edgar Wright's Ant-Man. Our lucky shrinking men? Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas.

The Ant-Man gear

The two have been cast, respectively, as Scott Lang and Hank Pym. Who are they and who the hell is Ant-Man? Allow me to explain.

Ringo Starr is a Powerpuff Girl

This happened today and the world is better for it.



But seriously, the Powerpuff Girls are coming back with a new special on Jan 20th. Ringo Starr is not only going to be doing the music but will also be in the special as Townsville's quirkiest mathematician Fibonacci Sequens (heh). All these things are good.

Happy Birthday David Bowie!

The chameleonic musician turned 67 today and just put out a new album last year. Here's hoping he has many more years of music left.

Meet the Guardians of the Galaxy

Courtesy of Marvel, the first official team photo

What a bunch of Assholes.

From left to right:

Zoe Saldana as Gamora, the so-called Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe. The lone survivor of a slave species, Gamora was taken in by Thanos (the big purple dude at the end of The Avengers) and trained as his deadliest assassin. Eventually she turned against him and has been using her skills to aid Anti-Thanos movements throughout the galaxy. Saldana appears to, understandably, be wearing more than Gamora usually does.

Chris Pratt as Peter Quill, Star-Lord. The illegitimate heir to a galactic superpower, Quill is the only normal Earth person on the team. He's a former astronaut who was whisked into deep space by a high member of the aforementioned superpower. They gave him some nifty gadgets like a special helmet and guns to defend them from evil aliens. He took those gadgets and went off to have space adventures instead. Think Jack Sparrow in space. Star-Lord is the Guardians' nominal leader, but how much they actually listen to him varies.

Bradley Cooper as the voice of Rocket Raccoon. Here's where things get weird. Rocket Raccoon is an escapee from Halfworld, an asylum planet for animals genetically engineered with human-level intelligence and bipedality. He is a talking raccoon with a machine gun. And he's the Wolverine of this team.

Dave Bautista as Drax the Destroyer. Drax started life as Arthur Douglas, a regular dude from the Earth that Thanos abducted and killed. But Arthur was brought back to life by Anti-Thanos aliens who transformed him into a killing machine called Drax. Now he seeks vengeance on Thanos for killing him. Some of this may be changed for the movie but I should also mention that Drax had a daughter before Thanos killed him. A daughter Thanos also abducted and made into a servant of his.

Vin Diesel as Groot. A tree-like alien from Planet X who once tried to invade Earth in the comics. Groot has control over wood and can grow and shrink at will. Also, the only thing he can say in English is "I am Groot!" but can inflect it to mean different things. He's BFFs with Rocket Raccoon.

The picture above shows the Guardians in a lineup for the Nova Corps, an intergalactic police force. Presumably they'll be wrangling these weirdos into going on whatever adventure is planned for the movie. Like in a "Go on this adventure together or go to space jail" kind of deal.

So that's the team; a lost Earthman, two assassins, a machine-gun toting raccoon and a talking tree. This is going to be fun.