In the Navy

Hey! We've got the movie rights to a board game!

Which one?

Battleship!

Okay, want to make a Battleship movie?

Yeah! And let's put aliens in it!

....what?

Yeah, that was pretty much everybody's reaction. And pretty much everybody assumed it was going to suck. I didn't necessarily agree, I like to give a movie a chance before I decide it sucks and I thought a Battleship movie had potential. But even I had to raise an eyebrow when I heard about the aliens. So it was with a heady skepticism I went to see Battleship the other day.

Our story is about Taylor Kitsch as a ne'er-do-well delinquent whose straight-laced brother drafts him into the Navy to keep out of trouble. Of course even in the Navy he's still a rebellious underachiever with authority issues. Anyway, during the annual Navy wargames Kitsch is stationed on one of the ships that encounters the pre-liminary force of some invading aliens accidentally called here by a nearby NASA experiment. Faster than you can say plot convenience, the aliens throw up a forcefield around the area and start blowing shit up. Now it's up to Kitsch and crew to man up and save the world.

This movie isn't good. The aliens are generic as hell, all the actors are phoning it in (except Rihanna weirdly enough), the second act drags ridiculously. It's bad. There are a few clever bits though. Like when the good guys lose their radar and have to fight the aliens by playing Battleship the game (it makes sense in context). And that the aliens don't attack civilians and their motivation is left vague. But overall it's not good.

On the other hand it isn't bad either. Just really silly. Let me explain. There is a difference between a stupid movie and a silly movie. Stupid movies are usually made by people who are lazy and un-talented so they'll cut corners, focus their attention on shit that doesn't matter, and generally don't know what they're doing. They just don't care. So they'll turn out a slapdash product. Silly movies are made by competent people intentionally making dumb material. They care about their end product. The Transformers movies are stupid. Battleship is silly.

In fact, the combination of all these bad factors, the undefined characters, the formula plot, the generic look of the aliens and their tech, mixed with the goofy elements, the disabled vet overcoming his adversity, the WWII vets bringing an old battleship back for the final battle, the above-mentioned playing Battleship the game, both played straight makes me wonder if Director Peter Berg wasn't trying to parody the over-blown stupidity of Transformers. Like he's saying, "Oh, you think that's stupid? I'll show you stupid".

At the end of the day, Battleship is a crowd movie. See it with some friends and just laugh at its ridiculousness. It's not smart or well made, but it is entertaining.

Final Score: 3/5

Also it needed more Liam Neeson.